Preparing the fields

Well, last night I took the last of the 5 day treatment of Clomid. I am giving it all to God. Yesterday John and I went out to lunch and I was talking to him about having faith. And I said, "You know what, I've done all my praying and I have faith, I think I need to prepare the fields." And now this is when it clicked to me. That's what I need to do. Okay, you all are probably wondering what I am talking about. There is the story about the 2 farmers who were both praying for rain for their crop. They both prayed everyday for the rain, but the one farmer went and prepared the fields for the rain while the other one just waited for the rain to come. The one who prepared his field was blessed because he had faith and was ready. So anyway. that is what I was talking about. I am feeling ready this time to have a baby. The last time we did the hormone treatment, I was petrified, but quite about it. But now I fell good about it! I am ready. We have the house. We have the family car.
And while I was thinking about this the last two days, it's really been pulling at my heart to "prepare." But I didn't know where to start. I mean, was this just going to get our hopes up? But that is just the devil trying to discourage me. John and I went to the store today to buy the ovulation kits and we walked down the baby supply isle. I was like, "What should we get to 'prepare'?" John looked around and an idea came to him. He said that before we get any of the baby items, he wanted to get the room cleaned out. You see, we have a guest bedroom and a band room. Well, we all know that the band room is staying(for now). He is talking about the little guest room that we have that just holds all our junk. So that is what we are going to do...clean out that room!!!! I am so excited. And you know what, I'm not worried at all. It will all happen when God wants it to happen, but in the mean time, I can prepare the fields for the blessing. I am not saying we are going to rush out tomorrow to get the crib....baby steps! lol. But it is in the direction of baby!!!
And in the mean time, I am praying hard! I will be happy with anything, but I have, since I was 12, always thought that some day I would have twins or triplets. And it runs in John's family and my family. So naturally I have been praying for that, but I know it isn't up to me. God knows how many John and I can handle, and so I will be happy and blessed with as many as God wants to give us!
I am so excited and can't wait to see what happens!!!! God is so good, and I know He will bless us! This PCOS has been such a blessing for me becuase I have grown so much closer to God through it all. I was so depressed and felt like God wasn't there when all of this first came about. But then that's when I realized that I needed to lean on Him more. And I have. I have totally surrendered it all to Him and know that He will take care of it all. It has been an amazing journey and I can't wait to see what happens next. I am so glad that I have Him in my life, other wise I don't know what I would have done. Thank you Lord for all you have done!

Treatment

Okay it's been a little while. Starting April 1st I have re-started the hormones to get my going on a cycle. I took the progestrone for 10 days and then today I started my first pill of clomid!!! Clomid is the hormone that is supposed to stimulate my body to ovulate! I am trying my best not to think about it. The doctors have said not to talk about it, so I'm trying not to tell anyone that I have started the Clomid. It's too much pressure with everyone asking, "Oh, do you think it's working?" "Oh, try not to think about it!" Geez! So John and I have been very hush hush about this.
About a month ago I did a photo shoot with an old friend from church and she too has PCOS and she told me about the story in the Bible about the woman who reached for Jesus knowing that if she just touched him she would be healed. And once she did, Jesus told her that her FAITH had healed her. My friend said that she held on to that verse and claimed it in her life and now she has two beautiful girls. And the crazy thing is, just the day before I was reading that passage and it stuck out to me, but I didn't know why. Then God reveled it to me through my friend that I need to claim that over my life. And you know, there has been a lot more peace. Peace over everything for me.
The first time I started the hormones (before I was diagnosed with PCOS) I was soooo afraid to take it becuase ultimatly I was afraid of getting pregnant. But now, I am at peace with it all. Of course I want it to happen more than anything, but I am not stressed out like I was before. And even if I don't get pregnant on this round, I will be okay. I know its all on God's timing. He is the ultimate physician and I know he will do what is best for me when it is best for me.
I am excited to see what God has instore for me!!!! Thank you Lord!!!