God gives and takes away

Well, I have good news and bad news. Aug 7th we took a pregnancy test and found out we were pregnant. We went to the OB for an appt and started some bloodwork on the following Monday. My HCG level was only 151, so the doc wanted to keep watch so I had to get bloodwork again. The numbers need to double. So on Aug 13 I had my blood drawn again and found that my levels were only at 272. There was still hope because I was having all the symptoms of a pregnant woman and the levels were at least going up! They ordered test to be done again in 6 days, a day before my OB appt. By this time, I had started spotting. I went to my OB appt and was told that the levels have gone up to 478. Which was good that it was going up, but I knew that it wasn't enough! By the time I was at the appt, I was bleeding more. Of course I was scared, but the doc did her exam and stated that it is possible to still have a healthy pregnancy. But she did tell us of all the other possibilities. Most of them ending in a miscarriage. We went home and I tried to relax. Then Friday, when I woke up, I knew something had changed. My symptoms of pregnancy were all gone. And I was bleeding more. Yet with no pain. I called John to come home and we went to the ER. They were all so nice and got me back there fairly quickly. They did more bloodwork. Then wheeled me off to ultrasound. The whole time the tech was quiet, she never said a word. Which made me more anxious. Then they took me back to my room where they moved me again to get a pelvic exam. Then the Dr came to us and told us that they did see something in my ultrasound. It was just hard to tell because I was so early in the pregnancy(like only 4 weeks). The bloodwork came back at 546. I was happy that it was going up, but I could see that it was starting to slow down. But I kept my faith because the Dr said that my cervix was still closed, which was a good thing. So they were diagnosing me as a Threatening Miscarriage. They discharged me, then the pain started. By the time we got home (which is only 5 mins away)I was have a lot of pain. I went to the bathroom and there on my pad was something I had never seen before. I knew what I was looking at, but I had to take it back to the Dr to get confirmation. When we got back, we showed him and he told us I was in Active Miscarriage now. It crushed both me and John. We know God has it all under control, but still it is so hard. The only good thing out of this is that we now know that we can get pregnant. And being that I have miscarried, my OB will now treat me as a high risk pregnancy. I grieved all night, and thankfully had a restful and dreamless sleep. Today I feel okay. At times I am angry. Then times of sadness set in. Then there are times of contentment. I know that God has an amazing plan for John and I, and I can't wait to see what unfolds. One thing I know for sure, I have married the right man. He has been my rock. He has been there for me in all aspect of this event. I am so blessed to have him in my life and I love him so much. Going through this has made me fall even more in love with him. It has brought us even closer as a couple. He is my best friend, and my hero.